I wrote this poem two years ago when I was all bitter about something. Read the poem first and I’ll tell you the whole story.
The Thespian and The Alchemist
He was an Alchemist in a world
Of hypocrisy and self righteousness
Convincing his mind and thought
That he belonged to such pretense.
Until he met this Thespian
Who had this bold eloquence.
Rainbow-tinted, so flamboyant,
Making him free of any diffidence
The Alchemist befriended the Thespian
And spent all the days with him.
He envied his sparkling freedom
Which he only had in his dreams.
As they grow closer from sun till moon
The Alchemist felt a butterfly inside
Ready to break free from its cocoon
And show the world she’s divine.
But the Alchemist’s sudden madness
For the only Thespian of his stage
Made him discover his weakness
And decided to settle his Pharisee image.
For he thought that to be rational
Was to be either black or white
And not to be emotional
Like the Thespian’s vibrant light
And the Alchemist broke away from the Bold
And went back to his elusive duplicity
Of turning everything to gold
And creating potions for life’s eternity.
But he was tired of his suffocating mask
But also too frightened to take it off.
One night, he drank a potion from his flask
And slept endlessly on his bed, so soft!
“Oh Thespian of m y constraining stage,
You taught me how to be out from this box.
But I’m not as audacious as your rage
So I accept thy destiny’s wrath.”
If you’ve known me for a little while, you would know that I found the greatest love of my life in college. If there was one thing that college life taught me, it was to love intensely with all my heart…and withstanding all the pains that it can possibly give you.
In the middle of a very noisy room, I saw this tall and dark skinned guy, standing in front of everybody, convincing us to vote for him to be the treasurer of our student organization. It wasn’t the first time I saw him and I knew he wasn’t a new student, but it was the first time I laid my eyes and focused on him. From that day on, I knew I liked him. I liked his mysterious eyes and his very deep voice. His sky rocketing height was a major plus. He may not be that good looking in the eyes of others but who cares? He was lovely for me and that was all that really mattered.
I was able to make a way to build a good friendship with him. Through letters (which was so high school) and text messages, we became close friends. After the messages, we started to hang out together, usually only the two of us without the company of our other friends. We would always do things and go to places together- study in the library, photocopy those needed papers in class, eat lunch or dinner, go to the mall and watch movies or shop, and those kinds of things. We spent most of our time together from sun till moon. He was with me and I was with him, and that was all I ever needed to breathe and live.
I was able to know him with all the time we spent together. Of course, we talked about ourselves and share the knowledge we knew. I learned that he loved literature and reading books like me. He told me how he was struggling so hard in school to prove himself to a bunch of people who treated him and his mom badly when they were younger. He told me about his plans and dreams to become a successful professor and researcher in a field that I would never ever set my feet on. With his cold image, I never expected that there is a burning passion inside him to succeed. He knew what he wanted and he was eager to make his dreams happen. I admired him for his determination which was something I don’t usually see in other men.
And the most foolish thing happened! I fell in love with him. You couldn’t really blame me for liking this guy. He was tall and his eyes were really attractive. His brains were sexy that every time we talked, I learned something new from him. His passion to reach his dreams was admirable. We shared a number of differences when it comes to our personalities. He was discreet, reserved and quiet and I was out, temperamental and loud. We were the North and South poles of a magnet but then, he accepted me for who I was. He didn’t care being with someone who’s as flamboyant as me and that made me love him more. He embraced the world I lived in and got closer to my friends. He made me feel special in more ways than one. I thought with all those times we spent together and the things we did together, he was also into me. But then, they just made me delusional.
One day, I decided to tell him that he was my world. Then, he told me that he didn’t feel the same way. All he could see in me was a friend who would always be there for me specially in times when he needed someone to talked to. I was just a wall to lean on, a comforter he could depend on and that was all I ever was for him. He crushed my heart and my world with everything he told me. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t.
How come he would spent so much time with me, go to places with me, do things with me…only me!?!?!
How come he could enter our classroom and eat lunch there with me, not minding those eyes who were questioning his presence there?
How come he would wait for me while I was rehearsing for our plays just to eat dinner with me?
How come he never gave a damn to those judgmental rumors about us?
I thought what he was saying was all lies. I knew he felt the same way. I knew he was just holding back his feelings because this world gave a bad impression about people like me. I knew he couldn’t accept the fact that he was in to me. I knew that he just couldn’t bear the guilt of disappointing those people who have big hopes for him. I knew he couldn’t stand the stares of those condemning people if they found out his true colors. He thought that if he came out, he would lose everything he had- family, friends and the good reputation he built for himself- and that would be really hard for him.
Or maybe that was just what I was thinking.
Then, he started going away from me. He stopped hanging out with me and found his own way without me. He left me with nothing but sorrow and bitterness in my heart. All that made me happy for some months were suddenly gone in the wind. It was all just a dream…that went gone when I woke up.
And it hit me harder when I saw you one night, together with another girl who I didn’t know. You were holding her hands as your were on your way to a place where we used to go together.
Now, we are living our own separate lives and I’ve moved on from that experience. I couldn’t say I regret that day I fell in love with him. Actually, those days with him were one of the best days of my life. And the day he broke my heart gave me lessons that I shall take when I fall in love again.
To my Alchemist, I hope you are indeed happy now. No more bitterness, just good memories!